Hello peeps!
I don’t know why I’m being cheerful with my very first greeting, knowing that we are currently in one of the hardest (if not, the hardest) situations of our lives. But I figure, why not be friendly? To all the people who have been self-isolating with no one to turn to, especially for queer people who have to force themselves back in the closet with their relatives — I’m with you. I hope this letter will find you well with laughter, or at least some cringe moments. If this can emote you back to your daily lives, I’m doing my job, amn’t I?
Ever since the country performed national lockdown (quite poorly), I have been doing the most with the least efforts. I read, I watch TV, I watch films, I work (reluctantly), and I listen. Whatever it is in front of me, I consumed them with the most uncritical attitude possible. It is a rare moment for me, since I used to write about film for a living — it wasn’t a paying job, but I was living. Thoughts that I encountered along the way of my viewing experiences, I put them in my .docx and try my best to reflect on the scenes and performances and sceneries and lightings and production budgets or whatever. I used to do pretty good, until bam! Insecurity hit on every spot of my weaknesses! So now I only tweet, like every melancholic bitches do.
However, I’m trying to revive what’s left in my ability to critique critically. But since there are no new films to review (and I’m still kind of scared to do it wholeheartedly), let’s start with reviewing a few entries of my a-month-old quarantine diary.
“Earlier (it’s almost 8 PM), I made an Oreo & Marie Regal frozen cheesecake. It was an effort, I think. I made it a little sweeter because I put way too much milk in it & I freestyled it by giving a dash of banana-flavoured milk. I know, I kinda had myself with pride with that, I haven’t put the batter to the refrigerator yet because it’s still way too hot. Oh well.”
— April 12th, 2020
What can I say? It is boring and redundant. Where’s the intensity? Where’s the plot twist? What happened after that? Why do they put banana milk in it? Why do they mix Oreo & Marie Regal when you already have cheese in it?! It was an ‘effort’, indeed. C
“I come back stronger with more love to give; (more) love to take; (more) love to illuminate or project.”
— April 14th, 2020
Here we are, growth. As one can probably see, they have learned from their mistakes. They fell down and went back up, with their skin all shed and wearing their heart on their sleeve. This character’s discovery is something to be reckoned with, and I for one, can’t wait to see it more in the future. B+
“‘Did I think about you?
Did I wanna call you?
Did I wanna be with you, Kevin?
Of course I did’
The words uttered by Nora at the ending of The Leftovers, a show unlike any other. A show of loss & love, in that exact order. Of how people make sense of unexplained grief & how they find each other in doing it.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about sentimental values, of how we fall and break apart. Maybe this pandemic causes me something. I’ve cried 3 times today; from this show and the sweetness of A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood, a Marielle Heller film where trauma heals the wounds of someone who is broken”
— April 15th, 2020
Opening a diary with a pop culture reference is bold. Someone might not know what it’s about, but the audience of this is purely for one person only. I have to say, this works heavenly. Explaining about these shows and movies and encapsulating them in a vessel meant to articulate what you’re feeling is something that most people find it hard to do. Although the last sentence is muddled, it does get its point across. A-
“But, I want him. Estupido”
— April 17th, 2020
“Maybe having a crush on him?”
— April 21st, 2020
“Should I text him?”
— April 28th, 2020
……Who is him? There are no notes nor intention to expand on who this person is. An unclear mess. F
****
In light of our boredom, I’m gonna share three tunes for your ears.
Joan of Arc on the Dancefloor by Aly & AJ: an 80s synthpop, feel-good anthem. Best to listen to while dancing alone in your bedroom with Christmas lights on (reading lamps work, too).
Boyfriend in Every City by Roma Radz: a cute PC Music-adjacent song, which is fitting because she’s apparently Hannah Diamond’s friend. Best to listen if you’re feeling cinematically confident with yourself.
Me in 20 Years by Moses Sumney: this lyric explains it the best "Hey, after all these years / I'm still here, fingers outstretched / With your imprint in my bed / A pit so big I lay on the edge.” Best to listen if you’re single and you’re (somehow) okay with it.